Why we are getting the relationship between work and starting a family wrong

For the last three years, I’ve led a double life, with one foot each in two different universes.

As a parent of a preschool toddler, the days are long and the years short – what with daily logistics, her relentless questions about everything around her, and my strong desire to be present in her everyday life, not to mention the resumption of work once aforementioned offspring goes to bed.

Yet, as a newsroom editor, the days feel short and the years even shorter. There aren't enough hours in the day to do the necessary baseline while also trying out new and impactful ways of story-telling – even with the most aggressive delegation and prioritisation strategy that adhere to the most disciplined Pomodoro technique.

One strategy is to move into multi-use and multi-formats, to get more bang for each buck we invest. We’ve tried to do this on the Opinion section by converting our interviews into podcasts, short videos and columns, as Rohit Brijnath did when he spoke to science extraordinaire Brian Cox on exams and learning. The secret to this strategy? Colleagues on the same wavelength on experimentation and efficient execution.

Still, one fear constantly haunts me: Can I really pull off having a career I can be proud of and be a parent who my child would look up to at the same time? The last thing I wanted was to do a half-baked job at both. That was a central struggle some years back in deciding whether to have children.

Yet reality couldn’t be further than my old preconceptions. Having both feet firmly planted in the desire to do well in both can be a vital anchor and source of purpose each day. At a time of high levels of disengagement at work in Singapore, as a Gallup poll found, the importance of having personal anchors pushing us to pursue excellence, speak up and find better ways of doing new things can’t be emphasised enough.

All this is not to legitimise the situation where having a family chains some to an underpaying and overwhelming job. Some recalibration and rethink will be required there. But the relationship between family and work has had a bad rep, dominated by a conventional zero-sum narrative that sees one as coming at the expense of the other.

My colleague, Jeremy Au Yong, thinks us parents should shut up and stop sharing out loud our parenting experiences and challenges in reconciling work-life struggles. That way, others won’t be discouraged from having kids. But here’s a contrarian perspective. What if having kids makes you better at your job? Because now you look at problems from multiple perspectives, become more adaptable and are more invested in your career? What if striving endlessly to have both family time and do well at work becomes a spring of motivation that propels you forward?

I know describing the joys and benefits of parenthood to my childless self is akin to describing a colour you can’t see. But here’s to me trying.

I leave you meanwhile with my picks to get over your hump day.

Suling Lin , Opinion Editor

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